Nobody ever won an argument
An old and true adage is nobody ever won an argument. As soon as you encounter some resistance. Stop! Any effort to convince someone against their will is doomed to failure. Change the subject to something you both find agreeable. This is true with both subjects and customers, friends and family. If there is a point of disagreement, such as a child resisting going to the posing table, don’t push it. You can get there eventually, but not by trying to talk them into it.
When I was arranging the children for a class picture at a child care center last week, one of the teachers came in and said that one of the boys was not going to be in the group. Let’s call him Pete. It was a center I had done many times. The teacher knew not to push the issue. She knew I would and could handle it.
After I had the other children arranged, I went into the next room to get Pete. It was an older group, four year olds, and the teachers were familiar with my style. I knew that after I had arranged them they would still be in position for the few minutes I would be gone.
I had photographed Pete for his individual pictures a couple hours earlier. I had a head start in our relationship. We talked for a minute about different stuff. Then I offered my hand and I told him we were going to go into the next room. I placed him the open spot I had left for him in the group and we did the group picture.
What did we talk about? I can’t remember. The important part is I re-established the relationship. I didn’t bring up that he had already said no to getting his picture taken. I didn’t try to talk him into it. I gave him a graceful way out. I gave him a way to change his mind and still preserve his dignity. I didn’t back him in to a corner or make him more committed to his position. I was the adult and he was the child, obviously. But we were both human beings, social animals. We both wanted to avoid conflict. We could get along. No one had to lose.
This may be also a good time to bring up bribery. I don’t bribe children. I try to not let parents do it. For one thing it implies that someone needs to be paid or rewarded for having their pictures taken by me.
Really?! Having your pictures taken by me should be desirable in itself. I don’t want the parent or the child to go away thinking that this is the way to go in the future. I want the child to come back next time eager for another session with the picture man. And, I want the parent to go away knowing that next time I can handle any objections their child might have.
Also, if the parent tries to bribe the child I may be left with a two year old with a wad of gum or candy in their mouth that I have to get away from them. Yes, I take candy away from babies. Actually I get them to give it to me. I teach a course on that.
If you are one of those photographers who encourages the parent to work with the child those are two of the problems you have to deal with, arguments and bribery. It can all be avoided by learning how to work with the children yourself.
If you are a parent and you encounter a photographer that wants to work with your child, let them. Sit back and watch. The session will go much better if you let the pro handle it.